Guest Post: The Story of Megatron

So Dave & I have had a few life changes and alterations over the past two months. My 16 year old daughter decided to move from her Dad’s in Texas, to Kansas with us. This made my 3 bedroom townhouse that was perfect a few months ago, feel a lot smaller. To make a long story short, we’ve been looking at houses, to buy, not rent this time. Each person has their own “stipulations” on what our new house should have… 4 bedrooms, 2 baths, 2 car garage, tree for a tree house, country, ponds and me… I want a chicken coop with chickens!

Below is a story written by Siel Snowden, my oldest son’s girlfriend to whom we’ve promised that she could keep a chicken of her own in our coop… Megatron.

Once upon a time on a small farm in Baldwin, there lived a small flock of chickens in a small chicken coup. Every morning, the farm-wife, (known to the chickens as Other Mother), would bring them grain and corn, and on Sundays, she would make her son Bryan, with the help of Chad, clean out the chicken coup.

It was a good life for the chickens.

One day, a girl named Siel (who had painstakingly helped build the chicken coup) came to visit the chickens. She thought they were all very nice, but she couldn’t help noticing one in particular. This chicken was a gorgeous color, with smooth, sleek feathers, and long yellow chicken legs. Siel was in awe of the grace and ability of this beautiful creature. So she named the chicken Megatron.

Megatron liked being named so well, but she found it difficult to live up to her name. When all of the other chickens rolled in the dirt and pecked gravel, Megatron stayed back so as not to muss her flawless feathers. When Meg layed eggs, she always layed hers with the greatest care, making sure that each was exactly the same smooth shape and size. Everything she did, she tried to be the perfect chicken. And yet…something was missing.

“How can I become the perfect chicken?” She asked her friend Asbestus, a scrawny old hen. Asbestus was lumpy and her legs were short. Her feathers were all shapes and sizes, and her eggs were small and weak-shelled. But she was nice enough, and quite smart (for a chicken), so she listened to Meg and pondered the question seriously.

“Well…” she decided finally, “Wisdom is the key to well-being. I think that if you studied everything and became the wisest chicken that ever lived, you would become the perfect chicken.”

So Megatron set off to learn everything. “But how to go about this?” she wondered. “Perhaps if I ask all the chickens in the chicken coup to tell me everything they know, I will learn it all and know more than any of them.”

She she went to Marzipan, the oldest of the hens. “Marzi, could you tell me everything that you know?”

“Whatever for, dear?” Marzipan asked, and Megatron replied, “I want to become the wisest chicken that ever lived, so that I may become the perfect chicken and live up to my name.”

“Now, dear,” said Marzipan, “If you strive to become the perfect chicken, it is not knowledge that will take you to your goal. Trust me, I’ve been around a long time, and I know. No, dear, the key is action. Become the bravest chicken that ever lived, and you will soon become the perfect chicken.”

So Megatron set off to become the bravest chicken that ever lived. But what could she do that was brave? Something no chicken had done before?

“I know!” she said, “I’ll jump off the top of the chicken coup!”

So she climbed dangerously up the rickety boards, and made her way to the coup’s roof. “One…two…three…” She closed her eyes and jumped.

Megatron closed her eyes as she fell through the air. “I’m not a chicken. I can be brave,” she muttered, and suddenly she hit the ground. “Oof! I think I landed on something!”

“Not on something, on SOMEONE, you twit!” Megatron looked down and saw Badge, the meanest hen, sprawled on the ground under her. “What the cluck where you ever doing, crash landing on me like that?”

“Well…” Megatron rambled… “I thought if I jumped off the roof…I might become the bravest chicken that ever lived, so that I could become the perfect chicken, and live up to my name.”

Badge laughed. “You’re stupid,” she cackled. “To be the perfect chicken, you gotta be the toughest. Like me.”

Megatron sighed. “Alright. How should I be tough?”

Badge lept up and stuck her beak in Meg’s face. “CLUCK OFF, Losah!” She hissed, stamping her feet and shaking her feathers. “Pretty tough, eh?”

“Definitely tough,” said Megatron, looking at Badge in a new light. “Alright, I’ll try it.” She looked around for someone to be tough too.

Suddenly Megatron heard footsteps, and she turned to see a red fox coming down the trail towards the chicken coup. “Finally,” she thought. “I have a chance to show someone exactly what I’m made of!” With a leap she planted herself in front of the fox and hissed, in her toughest voice, “CLUCK OFF, losah!”

The fox laughed. “Stupid chicken,” he chuckled. “What are you trying to be, tough?”

“Yeah,” said Megatron. “If I become the toughest chicken in the world, I can become the perfect chicken, and live up to my name.”

“Silly chicken,” the fox snickered. “Everyone knows…the only perfect chicken is the tastiest.”

“Well okay…” said Megatron. “How do I become tasty?”

The fox smiled. “I’m sure you’re quite tasty already. How about I taste you just to check?”

Megatron smiled at this kind fox, who was willing to help her become the perfect chicken. “Thank you, sir,” she said, while the fox opened his enormous jaws.

Help the Beavers Rebuild their Home!

Look at me go… two environmental posts within like a week? I’m one step away from being labeled but hey this is for a great cause. So pay attention because you know you love animals, and you know that if you were a beaver who had their home destroyed, you’d appreciate a helping hand. Right? Right.

Wakarusa Wetlands on 31st Street, Lawrence, KS.

Help the Beavers Rebuild their Home

Wednesday, June 2 at 4pm on 31st Street

A county highway crew ripped out the beaver dam and drained the wetlands north of 31st Street on the Haskell campus. Hundreds of animals were killed because of the decimation of their habitat.

Want to help?

A little partnership with Mother Nature’s Corps of Engineers will insure the water levels can be replenished some before the hot summer sun dries the place out. We need everyone helping to spread the word in order to gather enough people to pull this off tomorrow!

* If you are not able to carry rocks, come hold signs and cheer us on.

* Bring a folding chair if you cannot stand for an hour or two.

* Bring a trunkload or truckload of rock if you have some handy.

* Help us move the rocks already on site.

Park on the south side of 31st and join the nearest section of the human chain. Help the beavers restore their wetland home!

SPREAD THE WORD.

LSN Supports Protection of the Wakarusa Wetlands

“I have the fever to save the beaver!”

I’ve never been an environmental activist, never been one to attend pep rallies and I recycle when it’s most convenient. This isn’t to say that I don’t care because on the contrary I really do. Even though I may not be very earth conscious, though I do try, I do love animals and I do believe they should be left alone but cared for. Does this make me a lazy activist, a part-time pacifist? Mayhapsibly.

I heard about a protest taking place between 3 – 6 p.m. today at the 31st Street Wetlands. I love the Wetlands and anytime I can drive that way to & from work, I do. I felt drawn to go and did. I didn’t actually stay more than 30 minutes but I did stay long enough to take some pictures & interview a few protesters.

Here’s the story as I know it…

According to the Lawrence Coalition for Peace & Justice, Mr. Perkins, the Operations Director for Douglas County Highway Department, confirmed that a beaver dam has been removed from the southeast end of the Haskell portion of the wetlands beside 31st Street. He ordered the dam to be destroyed, he says, in order to insure that 31st Street would not flood if we got more rain. In actuality this beaver work was well below the street level. Water regularly goes over the top when it rains.

All three county commissioners have been notified. None were apparently aware of any wetland drainage project.

Haskell WPO students have been working on a nature trail and eco-walk on that side of the highway for months and have a small grant and donated materials promised to complete the project, which is now essentially dead. Also killed are untold hundreds of amphibians, fish, nesting birds whose young  are now exposed to predators, and wetland animals who have suddenly become homeless and are being flattened as they try to cross the road.

As I was leaving the protest I was at the stop sign at Louisiana & 31st when I saw a small slider turtle attempting to cross next to my car. I immediately put my car in park, turned on my flashers and jumped out to place him further off the road into the grass & heading away from traffic. Haskell students photographed almost 100 road kills on 31st Street before rush hour began.

So why *did* the beaver cross the road?

Because his home was destroyed!

2010 Summer Playgrounds

There’s still time to get your child registered for 2010 Summer Playgrounds! This Lawrence tradition takes place in five locations, including: Edgewood Park, Maple Lane and Miller Drive; Holcom Park, 27th St. and Lawrence Ave.; Broken Arrow, 2900 Louisiana St.; South Park, 1141 Massachusetts St. and Sunflower School, 2521 Inverness Drive.

Summer Playgrounds is open to children ages 5 to 12 years old and run daily, Monday through Friday, 9 a.m. to noon / 1 to 4 p.m.  Enroll in Monthly sessions or bi-weekly sessions. Cost is $140 for each monthly session 6/1 -6/25; 6/28-7/23 or $80 for each bi-weekly session – 6/1-6/11; 6/14-6/25; 6/28-7/9 and 7/12-7/23.

Activities include trips, special events, swimming, games and contests. Specialists will visit each playground each week and will make presentations in the areas of nature, arts and crafts.

To register, individuals can enroll online at www.lprd.org or they can visit a Lawrence Parks and Recreation facility, including: the Community Building, 115 West 11th St.; East Lawrence Recreation Center, 1245 East 15th St.; Holcom Park Recreation Center, 2700 West 27th St.; Lawrence Indoor Aquatic Center, 4706 Overland Dr.; Prairie Park Nature Center, 2730 Harper St.; the Administrative Offices, 947 New Hampshire St. or South Park Recreation Center, 1141 Massachusetts St.

For more information, please contact Duane Peterson, special events supervisor, at (785) 832-7940.

Lawrence Parks & Recreation Department

PO Box 708
Lawrence, KS 66044
(785) 832-7940
parksrec@ci.lawrence.ks.us

According to You: Surprise Me

I’ve decided to add a new segment to Our Lawrence with my commentary, polls, and advice called “According to You”. I’m by no means an expert (I’ll leave that to the sexy, snarky, outspoken Dear Red Head) though I may be certifiable on occasion so take it with a grain of salt or run with it but use at your own risk. This is all about keeping the love tank full. So let’s get on with it, after all it is Spring, shouldn’t we all be twitterpated?

February has come & gone – long gone. That doesn’t mean you have to wait til next year to show your significant other how much you care. This is easy for guys, of course. They may think we’re really complicated animals, but honestly most women will melt into a pile of goo when given a “just because” bouquet of flowers from the neighbor’s garden (stealing not encouraged), gas station or local supermarket. It doesn’t matter where he physically acquired them, we know where they came from – the heart.

Umm but what about guys? Aside from sexual favors do we really know what the equivalent to our bouquet of flowers really is to him? Now isn’t that the million dollar question?

I polled a handful of my guy friends and the results were somewhat typical, similar and also some unexpected answers were given. The handful of male friends polled ranged from single, dating, engaged & married. Before I post the suggestions just know that you can always ask your guy “What makes *you* feel special?” Explore, communicate… otherwise you’re just assuming that he’ll like what the next guy does and that isn’t always the case. Everyone is different so you can’t assume everyone has “predictable tastes”.

Suggestions from the guy gallery were:

• Food.
  It might take a little more effort than flowers, but making a favorite meal, or even picking up a good drive thru meal is a good gesture. [This was probably the number one answer that I got]
• Sports.
  “I love it when a girlfriend/wife watches sports with me, as long as there aren’t too many dumb questions. I don’t mind explaining more complicated rules, but don’t ask me which team has the ball, if you’re watching, you’ll figure out who’s who.”
• Massage.
  Sometimes a good stress reliever is welcome, but watch out, as it might be taken as foreplay.
• *His* Drink.
  If he’s a beer man, a six pack of his favorite beer, if he’s a scotch or whiskey man, a flask of his brand, and such. Of course, this only works if he drinks and you know his brand. Of similar note, you could do the same thing for food, his favorite food [back to food - actually 5 out of 7 guys said food]
• Whole Package.
  “Know how to make a guy happy? Show up naked. Make him ecstatic? Bring beer.”
• Physical Contact.
  Caress his neck, run your fingers through his hair, rub his arm, let him lean on you.
• Quality Time.
  Find out what he really enjoys. Is it action movies, tennis, hiking, video games? Plan some quality time for just the two of you to do something that he actually enjoys regardless of your apprehension to it.
• A Smile.
  “#1 thing that shows me though is when she smiles at me. A smile says more than anything. When you know someone well you cant hide anything in a smile and you can see how someone really feels about you.”
• Unplugging.
  Stepping away from Twitter, Facebook, emails and more importantly the cell phone. Giving your undivided attention and time can be one of the easiest, simplest things you can do. “Shutting out the world for a little while and giving you time together on your own.”
• Words of Affirmation (or support).
  “I think a random peck on the cheek and a “you’re important to me” would lift me up for a whole day.” Let him know verbally that you appreciate him, that he is important to you & that you love him.
• Love Notes.
  I’m pretty confident saying that I think most guys would find this sort of cheesy but that’s not saying there aren’t guys out there that love cheese. Mayhaps your guy is just that type. Put little love notes in/around the places/things he goes near every day/night.
• Music.
  “Picking up a new cd of one of my favorite artists is always great. It’s really cool then listening to the music together in the car together or around the house, reminds you of her nice gesture. Plus music for me is super emotional.” Or you can create a mix cd of all the favorite songs you two share or ones that remind you of him.
• Acts of Service.
  Take that however you want to interpret it. Some guys prefer the more physical gifts that we can give to other pure thoughtful things we can do. If he’s a physical guy, give into his physical wants if that is what truly makes him feel special. Keep something special though that you only do on occasion because too much of a good thing makes it an expectation and not a gift. You know that special thing you do with your tongue? Yea, that.

If you have any other suggestions or would like to chime in, feel free to add a comment and join the discussion.

-Kimberlee-

A story about a girl…

Once upon a time there was a girl known as “Jells” who was testing the water of social media. She started with Twitter but was new & inexperienced. Sadly her cell phone was a little out of date as well. She stuck to using the regular Twitter page and would check it every time she was near a computer. She then ventured into meeting some of her Twitter friends in real-life at local tweetup (#ltwup) events. This brought Jells so much joy for she realized that her friends were real & not just living in her electric box.

Jells realized that at these tweetups her friends were checking Twitter & tweeting from their phones. Her phone had begun to embarrass her. This made her sad but she managed to text tweets to Twitter but could never read ones coming through to her. She vowed to herself and her friends that her next phone would be Twitter capable and so it was.

Not too long after her new phone purchase and her new found Twitter freedom, her friends started using FourSquare (and Gowalla). They were “checking in” to places, earning pretend points, and colorful virtual badges. Though she always had pride herself on not being a sheep that followed every flock, this sounded fun & piqued her interest. Sadly her phone, as awesome as it was, couldn’t use the applications that her friends used to “check in”. Thank fully she was tech savvy enough to figure out how to check in via text message. “@The Hen House” etc etc. This worked for awhile, she earned/stole mayorships which made her feel all sorts of giddy and collected tons of pretend points that she daydreamed she was saving to buy a unicorn with one day.

Then one day a dark cloud covered all of her FourSquare hopes & dreams… there was a cheater in her midst. A mayorship was unfairly stolen. This made Jells angry because this other user was checking in during hours that the establishment was closed and Jells knew the user had cheated. What else was there to do? Jells would never dream of checking in there and stealing back her mayorship while it was closed. That *is* obviously cheating and Jells wasn’t about to stoop to this other user’s level. No way. Jells let it go but even though she felt over it, it left a bitter taste in her mouth.

Foursquare then decided to crack down on such cheaters. “Huzzah”, Jells thought. Finally some punishment will come to those who were perverse enough to feel the need to manipulate the almost perfect FourSquare game of love, happifications & joy. FourSquare shall be fun again!

Sadly this was not the case… because Jells couldn’t use an app for FourSquare, the cheater precautions put in place affected her check ins as well. She no longer earned those pretend points, her check ins became harder to recognize & the dream of the unicorn disappeared into the horizon. Which lead her to deleting her account (Gowalla too).

The moral of the story is that cheaters ruin it for everyone. When mayorships, badges, and points that you can’t spend on anything coupled with the fact that @FourSquare never responds to anything but positivity on Twitter and cheaters are cheaters starts making you an angry person – it’s time to let go & walk away.

Delete your account?

Yes FourSquare it’s not you, I think it’s me.

So, it’s come down to this?

Please don’t make this harder than it should be.

You really want to delete your account?

Yes and I’m sorry but I’ve put a lot of thought into this.

All those checkins? All those tips? The badges! That cute little profile pic of yours?
Gone!
Forever!
Really?

I know, I know… this is hard on me too ya know.  I have never loved anything on my phone as much as you & well, maybe that hottie text I got from Samantha. It still blows my mind that he could move like that. Anyways… I’m sorry please understand.

Well, we understand. (I guess) I hope we can still be friends.
… and if we bump into each other at a party, it won’t be awkward, right?

We’ll always be friends, I promise and the party thing? Of course not. I understand we’ll bump into each other occasionally, we do still run in the same circles after all. I’ll give you space if you can respect the need for me to have mine.

Okay, then.
(fyi – as soon as you click this, everything will be deleted – NO UNDO! – and you will be brought back to homepage)

I’ll always remember the good times FourSquare, you’ll always have a piece of my <3

-Kimberlee- a.k.a Jells

Life in the Carpool Lane

Since Dave & I started OurLawrence.com over a year ago, we tried to keep it informative and relevant to Lawrence & surrounding area. Sadly, we lost interest after being so busy “doing” rather than “sharing”. We’re kind of stingy like that. I mean it’s really not interesting to our readers to hear about events after we attend them and I rarely find the time to post about things in advance. So anyways, we’re (as in “me”) taking a more personal approach to this blog. I can’t always guarantee this will be the direction that I stay in, but you know, for now, it works. On to my story:

I live in Lawrence and work in Overland Park. So for the past two years I’ve been scuttling along the K10, 435, and 69 twice a day, 5 days a week in traffic with Kelso (my partner in crime, and carpool buddy). Those that know me well are familiar with my normal bitching about commuting “38 miles one way” to work Monday through Friday. I thought it might be funny to share with you what I’ve/we’ve learned from carpooling.

Things I’ve learned from Carpooling:

1. Carpool Karaoke is funner when you both know the song.
2. Guys with pacifiers passing you on the K10 are not only fascinating but really creepy. “Why does that guy suck on a binky while he drives anyways? Drive faster & get away from him, STAT!” The craziest part is that we know he has to live in Lawrence.
3. Always expect heavy traffic & asshole drivers whenever there is a decision to be made. “zOMG do I want to merge left or right? Oh noes! I don’t remember how to merge! This is a very important decision, I must go 25 mph til I sort this out. Was it the 435 or the 35?”
4. Quivera always has drama no matter what time of the day you must past this exit. If it’s not a vehicle fire, a stalled car, ninjas,  a cop who finds it hilarious that no one will pass him going 45 mph in a 65 mph zone, an accident,  or sword fights, you can be guaranteed that it is definitely something lagging up the commute.
5. Every day that we belt up and head into the wonderful world of carpooling we know that we are risking our lives and we both agree that we should receive “hazard pay” for the brave acts we perform daily on the dangerous roads with idiot drivers who must have gotten their licenses from cracker jack boxes. (Going off on a tangent here) One time a PT Cruiser who was going the opposite direction on the K10 flew across the center grass dividing area & headed straight for us head on. We both screamed & Kelso swerved. After he passed us, he crossed back over to his side & drove off. Yea, carpooling is at least that exciting once a month, every month. We’ve had blow outs, break downs, near death experiences & speeding tickets.
6. Even the sweetest of people (i.e Kelso & I) can develop the worst symptoms of Road Rage and no soccer mom is safe.
7. If it rains, snows or a cloud passes in front of the sun, Kansas drivers forget how to drive. I call this weather related amnesia.
8. A cop going eastbound will not hesitate to flip a bitch in a heartbeat to pull your yellow car over going westbound for speeding.
9. During the winter, commuting plays out like Hover Kart Battle or Mario Kart but with more carnage. You always feel like you’ve won if you make it to work and didn’t end up as a smoking wreck trailed by skid marks in the snow on the shoulder of the road.
10. I honestly believe that Kansas must hold a record for the most vanity plates in any state. I’ve lived a lot of places in the U.S and never seen so many. Figuring them out is part of the fun. Just one of many carpool games we play.

- Kimberlee -

Edit: ernby says: @Jells I think NH is second behind Illinois or Virginia (or some other state) in vanity plates. Case in point: http://tinyurl.com/ybqedpt lol! Wikipedia has VA first, NH second, IL, third. I was close!

Thanks Erin

Give Back Weekly Special – 23rd St. Brewery

From the email I received:

We have negotiated super deals and great savings with participating LGB merchants just for LGB card holders.

Save 50% – Only $5 – $10 Value

Spend $5 today and receive a $10 Gift Certificate at 23rd St. Brewery

This offer is available for purchase this week only (3/11/10 – 3/19/10). We must sell at least 25 of these Gift Certificates before midnight Friday night or the deal is off.  So don’t miss out on this great opportunity.  Make sure to forward this email to all your Give Back friends today.

Purchase the coupon today…keep it and use it anytime in the next year

(until 3/1/2011).

- 23rd Street Brewery –

3512 Clinton Parkway, Lawrence, KS 66047 (785) 856-2337

For the Week of 3/11/10 – 3/19/10

Lawrence Social Society

Hey Lawrence people, guess who just started a new social meetup group!  That’s right Kimberlee finally talked me into shelling out the money to use an awesome meetup tool, which can be found here.   If you are looking for fun ways to meet new people or to broaden your experiences in this great city of ours, then by all means you should click this link.   We just launched the site yesterday evening and we are already up to 11 members, and in talks with the Manhattan group, Flinthill’s Fusion, about figuring out fun and interesting ways we can do some joint mixers.   We have our first social event, which is going to be a game night with snacks and wine at Kimberlee’s new pad on the 6th of March.  There are some really cool features that the meetup.com format let’s us do.  For instance, anyone can submit an idea for something they think would be fun to do on the ideas tab, and then all the members have the opportunity to say if they like it or not.   This allows everybody to have input into fun activities, and then we can see which activities generate the most interest and work on getting them scheduled.

A few of the ideas that have already been submitted are:

• Pub Crawl
• Beer tasting party where everyone brings their favorite to share
• Drive In movie in Kansas City
• Hiking at Clinton Lake
• Volunteering an afternoon to assist with building a home for Habitat for Humanity
• Spotlight on any upcoming events like Art in the Park, Busker Fest, etc etc etc as they become known to our organizers

If you would like to see the complete list of ideas then you can click here.

We are at this point asking for a small “donation” of only $5 / year (less than the price of 2 beers) to help Kimberlee and I pay for the meetup site which is currently charging us $180/year.  We are not looking to make money on this donation, but just to defray the costs of keeping the site alive so if we get enough people joining up, we will lower the costs for the renewal.  :p

So what are you waiting for??  Come join us at the Lawrence Social group by clicking this link.   Then you can feel free to offer up ideas of your own, or join in and meet some great new people who share in their love of this community.

Also as a side note, we are not looking to compete with or replace the current great group of tweeters that are doing the monthly socials with the #Ltwup.  Kimberlee and I still plan on attending as many of those as we can, but we hope to supplement and expand on the idea with an active grassroots Lawrence group that is not limited to the twitter community.

Are we as dumb as Chase thinks we are? Probably.

There are a few things out there that really fire me up…  but one of the biggest is when either politicians or big corporations think they can pull a fast one over on the American people.  I think I get most pissed off by the fact that I think it actually works most of the time.   People… stop being dumb please, kkthnx.

I have a perfect example that I got in the mail today from my longterm credit card company, Chase Financial Services.  I have long held and used my Chase Freedom Card to purchase any and everything that I could get my hands on.  For me it is all about the cash back.   To borrow my favorite phrase from Jerry Maguire, “Show me the money!!” In exchange for my 3% cash back on all basic goods and 5% at grocery stores and gas stations, I will gladly charge that $0.75 candy bar rather than root around under the seats for three quarters.   We have had quite a happy relationship for going on 15 years now.   Over the years, Chase has offered me various weird programs like a concierge service, or insurance, etc. but for me it has always been about the cash back bonus.

In today’s mail I received the following letter from my beloved Chase, with the added italics from my internal thought process:

Dear Dave,

Congratulations! (ooh did I win something from one of those random contests they are always harping about?) To thank you for being a valued customer, we’re changing (changing, changing = danger unless I get a vote.) your Chase Freedom account.  You’ll receive new benefits (won’t turn down a gift horse)… and there’s no extra cost (can’t go wrong with that).

Here’s what you get now

5% Cash Back offers in popular rotating categories like home improvement, gas and department stores. (umm wait, first major red flag… I was already ALWAYS getting 5% cash back on groceries, gas, and fast food which were my three biggest consistent expenditures) - instead of earning a fixed 3% cash back on gas, grocery store and fast food purchases.

AVOID INTEREST on everyday purchases when you pay them in full each month with Full Pay from Blueprint.  (well a big duh here, does anybody really think you charge me interest on things I pay off in full each month?  And why do I need a new program to pay it for me?)

CASH BACK EVERYWHERE – a full 1% cash back on purchases with no limits or expiration dates.  (What the !@#!@$#%%, what do they mean a 1% rebate, I was always getting at least a 3% rebate before.  The no limits is a shot at Discover who caps your rebate, but who the hell is going to leave money sitting out there long enough to care about expiration dates?)

Ultimate Rewards lets you redeem your rewards easily online.  (I have ALWAYS redeemed my rewards online, so no change here.)  Please note, the option of receiving a $250 check for $200 in rewards will no longer be available.  (Shit, I didn’t even realize that was an option, but obviously they are taking it away now.)

Account terms stay the same – (blah blah blah)

Simply keep using your Chase Freedom card.  We’ll automatically add your new benefits to your account.  (Hold the phone…  I can’t keep from getting screwed??)

/end of letter

At this point I picked up the phone and called the number on the back of my card.   I told them I received a mailing that didn’t make any sense to me, and could she please explain it.   She explained to me that my account had been “upgraded” and they are doing away with the old account, because their market research said the customers were overly confused about the plethora of options that were available.  This was an attempt to simplify the plan and give better benefits to everybody.  To which I responded…

Answer me the following things.

1) Before this change, was I making a minimum of 3% cash back and 5% on gas, groceries, and fast food.   She said yes.

2)  With the new plan, I am now only getting 1% cash back on everything, unless it is a featured item in which case I now get 5%.   She said yes.

To which I responded, this is not an upgrade, it is called good old fashioned getting screwed.   At which point I was told I could speak to her manager.   Who basically had the exact same feedback for me, where she was trying to sell it to me that this is a lot better for the customers and not worse.   Which led me to ask… are people really that dumb?  Send them a letter, tell them they are getting more benefits for no cost, which is a pretty blatant misrepresentation of the facts, and they will happily smile and keep charging away money which they can’t afford to spend.

Help me out people, if you currently have a Chase Freedom Card account.   Call the following number:  1-800-524-3880 and tell them that you don’t want to be screwed over with flowery words.   You want the OLD freedom program to remain, and they can take their new plan and stick it.  We ARE smart enough to actually read the letter, and realize that we are actually getting less benefits for the same costs, which is not in any way shape or form an upgrade situation.